Family Meal Conversation Starters

 Between work and our children’s extracurriculars, it can be hard to find quality time together, and things like family dinners tend to fall down our priority list. However, sharing a meal and conversation together can be far more powerful than we may realise.

Dinner is a great time for your child to talk about their day. If they are stressed, keeping the conversation light and discussing things they like can help improve their mood. Encouraging your child to express themselves and discuss their feelings as early as possible is great. That being said, I know you might be rolling your eyes thinking about how often you receive one-word replies. This is where conversation starter sheets may come in handy.

By stepping away from technology or turning off the TV in the background, we can help support children to focus on the conversations and be present at the dinner table. And if your child is struggling with their homework schedule, regular dinners can be a welcome break.

Now don’t get me wrong, my family and I absolutely have nights in front of the TV or independently working, so I am not saying this needs to happen every night. Instead, we should try to aim for family dinners to become our regular routine and allow ourselves nights that differ.

The Family Dinner Project has the following information on its website, which I think is extremely insightful:

'Dinner table conversation has special qualities that make it different from talk we have at other times such as while carpooling or while tucking kids in at bedtime. Research indicates that, on average, children bring up about six different topics at dinner, so conversation tends to be interesting and varied. Also, families who eat together expect that children will sit and talk for more than a few minutes. Each topic usually gets input from several members, so multiple viewpoints are expressed. This exposure to multiple points of view engages kids in complex thinking and can encourage tolerance for opinions different from one’s own.

Focusing on certain types of conversations, particularly narrative conversations or the telling of stories, can be particularly helpful. Helping kids tell stories that include their thoughts and feelings rather than just the facts is associated with greater well-being. Research shows that children who know a lot about their parents’ own childhood and family histories will become more resilient – the capacity to bounce back from the slings and arrows that life throws at each of us and better able to learn from adversity, continuing to face ourselves and each other with optimism. Who doesn’t want that for their children? Many researchers have also found that children who learn much about their families have higher self-esteem and see themselves rather than others as responsible for their behaviour'.

I have attached a conversation starter sheet created by Psychologist Emily Hanlon, which includes a number of prompts. You may like to print this off and place it on the fridge for those days when it feels impossible to start a deep conversation. If you are looking for further prompts, the Family Dinner Project has an extensive list categorised by age.

https://thefamilydinnerproject.org/category/conversation/conversation-starters/

As a general rule of thumb, try to avoid asking questions that can be answered by one word. So, instead of 'did you have a good day at school today?’ Try 'what subjects did you have at school today?' This has the ability to change an answer from one word (good) to an extended response. After all, dinner is perfect for connecting with meaningful conversation. With work, school and all of the other activities families have going on, dinner is often the only time we have quality time together to communicate on a daily basis.

 Conversation Starters Download

Madelyn Burns

Student and Family Counsellor