Talking to kids about Russia’s invasion of Ukraine

It’s normal to feel anxious about the news emerging from Ukraine, and children can pick up on this too. So how can you reassure your child and explain what’s happening if they ask questions? There’s no ‘one way’ to go about it, and you know your child best but hopefully these tips will help.

Firstly, check in with yourself. If you’re feeling anxious it’s ok to say that you don’t have all the answers and to share your concerns with other adults, like grandparents, teachers, and school counsellors, who can help you talk to your child.

Secondly, go at your child’s pace. If they ask you about what’s happening or seem scared or worried, ask your child what they’ve heard or what they’re worried about, rather than giving lots of information which may overwhelm them. Consider the language you use and try to keep it age appropriate and reassuring. Let them know that they’re safe and the conflict is happening far away (maybe show them where Ukraine is in relation to Australia on a map). Acknowledge sadness for those who are being directly affected and suggest finding out ways to help. If your child has questions, consider asking them if they’d like to research the answers together with you, or tell them you’ll find out answers to their questions and let them know later.

It’s also a good idea to monitor what children see on TV and hear on the radio as much as you can, and limit discussing worrying details when children are around. Depending on the age of your child, resources like the ABC’s Behind The News can help to explain what’s in the news in a kid-friendly way – see https://www.abc.net.au/btn/newsbreak/btn-newsbreak-20220224/13769874 and https://www.abc.net.au/btn/features/upsetting-news/10500572 for examples. Watching these together and then talking about it can help children feel safer and know they can talk to you if they have questions.

Additional resources:

1. Talking About Ukraine with Our Children - Dr. Aliza Pressman
2. How to Talk To Kids About Ukraine - NYTimes/Melinda Wenner Moyer
3. How to Talk to Kids About Difficult Subjects - Common Sense Media

Tips on How to Have the Conversation

1. Take a deep breath, so you are calm and regulated. It can help to physically put your hand on your heart to soothe your nervous system.
2. See what they know. “You may have heard about what is happening in Ukraine. I’m curious what you know and I’m here to answer questions.”
3. Be honest and clear. “Russia has invaded Ukraine, and as with any war, people will be hurt and killed. That’s why you’re seeing so many grown-ups who are so sad. You are safe, we are safe, but we care about the experience of people even when they are far away.”
4. Let the information land. See what your child has to say.
5. Make room for any reaction. Your child does not need to be interested, or sad, we just need to tell them so that they don’t pick up on unspoken cues of our collective distress.
6. Describe the age-appropriate facts. If your child has questions, look up answers together on child-friendly news sources mentioned above. If your child is repeating misinformation, help them to think through more reliable sources. Answer only the questions they’ve asked and resist going into longer explanations. This is not one conversation, but unfortunately an ongoing discussion.
7. When you can’t answer a question, acknowledge it. These are complicated questions that are an opportunity for critical thinking, investigation, and the acceptance of a reality where we don’t always have answers. Get comfortable with the idea that we can’t solve these problems for our children or ourselves, but that we can help make peace with the discomfort and uncertainty.
8. Stick to routines. Whenever things in the world feel uncertain, even far away, it’s important to lean on routines to keep things as stable as possible for your child. This is also helpful to manage your own emotions and be present for your family.
9. If you notice your child is having anxiety around current events, after this discussion or at any point, let them know that you are there and strategise ways for them to remain informed while also taking care of their own emotions. Reassure them that it makes sense to feel anxious right now, and that we all feel similarly.

If you’d like to talk about any of these tips or have any other concerns about your child, you can contact me via email Madelyn.burns@catholiccare.cg.org.au.

Madi Burns

Student and Family Counsellor